Are you raising a kid or an adult? | Danny's Universe

I recently read an article about college students needing "Adulting" Classes.  It would be easy to laugh at this, but I think it is actually needed. 

My opinion, is that these classes

should be taught in high schools across the land; better yet, these life skills should be taught and learned at home.

However, it's hard to learn at home when an increasing number of families have only one parent, and that parent is carrying the load of two people. 

The college classes mentioned in the article are things like, how to change a car tire, balancing a checkbook, and budgeting.

The most telling quote in the article was by a Kansas State health educator who was quoted to have said, “When we’re not given the tools to solve problems, we are not able to be resilient.

When I read that quote, the words "not given" and "not able" immediately stood out to me.

If our schools spent more time teaching kids HOW to think, rather than WHAT to think, things would be better for everyone.

The words "not given" and "not able" also speak to two of the core issues younger generations are facing.

A feeling of entitlement, and lack of determination seem to be the curse of many of today's young people.  

What should we expect when they were given participation trophies and gold stars for the most mediocre of work?

I do not blame the majority of teachers.  Most of the time, they have very strict guidelines they must follow, or they will lose their jobs.     

When there is a problem, there is always a solution.  

One of the best ways I have found to solve a problem is to look at someone who has already done whatever it is that I am trying to accomplish.

To do this, lets first ask ourselves the following questions.

(1.)  What were our own parents and grandparents doing when they were 18 to 24 years old?

(2.)  Did they have life skills by the time they were 24 years old?

(3.)  What were they doing, and being taught at 14 to 18 years old vs. the same age of young people today?

(4.)  Why did things change?

It is easy to say things like, "in my day...blah, blah, blah"  So, I am not going to do that.

Instead, lets look at the problem(s) and learn how to solve them, or at the very least talk about the real problems.  

This "adulting" stuff is just a symptom.

If we don't take care of this, our government (or worse yet, another government), will step in and teach us a hard lesson.

Problem 1.
In many single parent homes, it is the mother who has custody of the child.  She sometimes has to work twice as hard to make ends meet. 

Many times she is sacrificing time with her kids.  It is a great strain and she is often overwhelmed

On the weekend, she needs a break from her job(s) and decides to go out and let her hair down.

Surprise, surprise, she meets another guy, or series of guys.  He's different.  He's great.  

Now she is balancing her work load, her kids and a new guy.  Who do you think suffers most in all of this?

(Spoiler Alert)
The kids suffer most.  They end up needing to learn how to balance a checkbook and change a tire at 22 years old. 

By age 22, the majority of people today have already had multiple sexual partners, all of the baggage that goes along with that, and the cycle continues. 

The difference is that Mom had her parents to lean on.  They helped her raise her kids.  Now she has to help her kids.

That would be fine, but most of the time she is not as stable and as well-equipped as her parents were.

Unfortunately most of the time, the dad is either MIA, has no deep relationship with the kids or it's just too late. 

Note: In case you are wondering, I mostly blame the fathers for this situation.  It's hard to raise a family, and do what we all know is right.

Ancient script says that in the Garden of Eden, it was Eve who was misled, and Adam who chose to commit the first sin. 

Problem 2.
Many of today's parents have made a purposeful decision to be a friend to their child.  In one way this is a very good thing.

Unfortunately, what many think of as being their child's friend is actually a very selfish act by the parent.

A true friend will not put their own need of acceptance in front of the needs of the other person.

A true friend will not idly stand by, and condone actions that are going to cause harm, just to avoid confrontation.  

This is why it is best to have two parents.  One parent will see things that the other parent will not see, as in the Garden of Eden example above. 

The Answer
The answer is to follow the traditions and teachings of our forefathers vs. the feelings we may have or not have at the moment.

The examples of those who have done so, are written on the pages of history in a very flattering way.

If we at least try to follow the 10 Commandments, and the teachings of Christ, we will be in a better place than we are in now.  

It's not easy.  Believe me, I know that.  I fail often.  However, our children and our nation are at risk.  

The more we continue down the same, dark path, the more we will continue to get what we already have.

Actually over time, things will get worse.

Please know, I am not saying any of this to condemn anyone.  That is not my job.  

I have made so many mistakes in my own life.  I feel that if we can talk about these things though, we have a better chance at solving the problems we face.

If you have a better solution, I am open to hearing about it, and any large-study statistics that refute anything I have said here. 

Thank you for reading,
Love one another

Disclaimer: I believe the philosophy I put forth here.  I believe my points are valid.  However, all situations are not equal.  If you are in dire need please speak to a respected faith leader or professional counselor in your area.  The thoughts and opinions here are my own and should not take the place of professional advice.


  1. Truth! It is such a different world now than it used to be and not all of it is better, unfortunately!

  2. Thank you for reading and commenting!
    You are right about that. We all have different struggles. Life is hard sometimes. It seems harder for some than for others.

    Have a blessed day.

  3. Danny, your comments echo mine nearly to the letter. Things are so different than they were 50 years ago it's hard to imagine where we'll be in another 50. Now, our children have to rely on others such as school teachers, babysitters, (that's saying mom and dad can afford one), youth center activities, family members and in some cases neighbors (because there is no one at home) for support and guidance. We see more and more kids in foster care because parents are overwhelmed to the point of turning to drugs and alchohol to escape from their responsibilities. They have not been prepared for parenthood and every day life. And find it impossible to cope. Technology has given us wonderful things. But, it's also given us a generation of people who can't even balance a checking account or plan a meal. The lack of parental supervision and interaction with their kids can, for the most part be blamed on an economy that forces them to work so many hours they have no time to be active in their kids lives either at home or in their school activities.

    All through Ed's 21 year military career I stayed home with our 4 kids. In part because trying to work and pay a sitter for that many would not have worked financially for us. We got by, just barely. But, I noticed the families who had both parents working were having a LOT of trouble controlling their children. A lot of which were left with older siblings who couldn't control the younger kids. Who in turn would run amock in the neighborhood terrorising other kids and damaging property of the other military families in the housing area. So, it's not hard for me to imagine why things are such a mess now, 30 years later.

    Right now at this very moment I have my two grandsons who get off the bus at my house until mom and dad can pick them up after work. We do crafts, learn to cook food and they do any homework they might have. I also have one of their friends who's parents both work till late. They cant afford a sitter. This young man doesnt want to stay at home with his two brothers because they're "mean to me". So he makes his way to my house and joins our activities. I don't mind but, nobody has asked if he can be here. Nobody wonders where he is. Nobody calls to check up on him. And we wind up taking him home after dark.
    There just isnt enough time, money or support for families. His Parents arent druggies or alcoholics. They're just becoming indifferent. To coin a phrase from a book written by a not so popular politician (not a fan of hers) it really does take a villiage to raise children anymore. And if the village isnt so great, What do they learn?

    The 10 Commandments have to be learned. Who's there to teach them?

  4. It sounds like you are doing a really good job!

    The kids will always remember you, and what you have done for them.

  5. Building memories, learning respect and giving love. :)